Do you ever get the feeling that there are three people in your relationship – you, your guy or girl and the ex? Does he/her still talk or email with them often? Or maybe he/she holds an unhealthy grudge, or seems preoccupied with what their ex is doing now? If any of these scenarios sound familiar, it may mean that he/she hasn’t completely let go yet.
How can you tell if your is not really over his ex? Here is some points 2watch out for………
1. He/she wasted no time before jumping into his next relationship. If you started dating this guy shortly after his latest breakup, there’s a good chance he/she not completely over their ex – no matter what is said. “There are hopes and dreams we have when we get into a relationship that we lose when we lose that relationship,” “It takes some time [to get over those things].” even though it can be instrumental in helping them assess the relationship and move on. “You want to be sure your partner can talk about it – that he can analyze it a little bit, and can say what went wrong and what went right and what part he played in what went wrong.” But even if he/she isn’t quite there, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. “It just means you need to understand that he still has some processing to do, and he’s probably going to do some of it with you.”
2. He/she fell for you before his relationship ended. These are men like John Edwards and Tiger Woods, who tell you their previous relationships are over or broken, but they still go home to their wives or girlfriends. It sounds obvious, but these guys are bad news. “It doesn’t matter if he/she says the relationship was bad, “your partner has a cheating mentality.” And if he cheated in the past, he/she probably wouldn’t have a problem with cheating on you. Even if he/she does eventually leave their Boyfriend/ girlfriend – a very big if, by the way — and you’re willing to give it a go with this person, he/she literally hasn’t had any time on their own to process the demise of that previous relationship so you could run into the same problems as in #1, above. Bottom line: This is probably not someone you want to be with.
3. When it comes to an ex, he only deals in extremes. If your girl /guy can’t say their ex’s name without spitting or get emotion, this is another warning sign. “If they talk about the person constantly, and he/ she’s either the most wonderful thing in the world or the most terrible thing in the world, but it’s unrealistic, you need to ask her/him about his role in the relationship, There are two people in every couple, and there’s no way his ex was as great or awful as he/she makes them sound. “If your partner is not talking about it at all, you need to say ‘I think it’s valuable for us to talk about our past relationships so we can see what went wrong and what we need to do differently in this relationship.’”
4. If your partner can’t break the string. There are plenty of reasons a person may stay in touch with his ex, and they aren’t necessarily all bad. “If they are family friends,they have kids in common, they have to be in contact,” “If they were together for a long, long time, there’s also some reason for contact.” But if neither situation applies, and he/she still won’t stop talking to the ex, you should initiate a conversation about the ex, – carefully. “What you don’t want to do is set yourself up against the ex,”
5. He/she obsesses over the remnants of the relationship. Always checking their ex Facebook profile or you catch him/her poring over old pictures, you could also have a problem. “Its not finished,your partner hasn’t moved on.
You have to understand that if you stay in such a relationship , you’re going to be part of all this.” when you’re in a relationship you talk about just about everything. Whether it’s work, friends or family, there’s always something to discuss over dinner, and past relationships should be no different. Let your partner know you’re open to talking about exes. Discussing this could help him/her work through their feelings and move forward – and may even bring the two of you closer together.
If your partner hasn’t completely let go of their ex, proceed with caution – but know that your relationship isn’t necessarily a lost cause. He/she may want to be with you, but needs just a bit more time to deal with his breakup. The key to making it work is both of you being willing to talk openly about old relationship and old feelings. If, when all is said and done, he/she just can’t let go, you may have to be the one who moves on.