This was a message that was sent to me recently by a friend.”Do u know the relationship between your two eyes? They blink together, move together, cry together, see things together & sleep together. Even though they never see each other. Friendship should be just like that and you and I are like that. I just want to let you know that I appreciate you”. I was very happy to read this and I never intend to delete the text from my phone. In my short time here on earth. I can say I have been blessed with very good friends. I have also had my share of bad friends, who have let me down and those who where friends only because of what they could get from me. But in the end, I still have very good and loyal friends who have and always will be there for me.
These days it seems only common interest/activities are the basis of most friendships. Once the interest on the side of one party dwindles so does the friendship. Should it really be so?
I do not believe just because you’re are not interested in the same things anymore you should not hangout every more or stay friends. I know and have met people that have been best-friends for many years, that are as different as night and day.A wise person once said “Good friends are those who care without hesitation, who remember without limitation and who love even without communication”.
Yes I am also of the believe that 20 friends can’t play together for 20 years, but can’t I think 2 friends can play together for 20 more years if they choose to. So why are friendships dissolving why are once best friends now strangers.
Well I decided to carry out a little research as to why some people don’t remain friends and I have listed out them out for you my dear Readers.
1) Interest: I have found out that is a major variable to either make or break friendship. As people get older, they begin to experience changes in their various interests. The activities they previously used to enjoy doing they may suddenly find it too boring or just not be that into it anymore and want to find/explore more interesting and satisfying activities.
For instance Chioma and Trisha who are both in their early Twenties, have been friends since their Secondary school days. They are both the indoor type of girls. They prefer to stay indoors and read novels and listen to music. But in the last year Chioma has started going to the clubs and partying late. She dresses differently and doesn’t visit Trisha anymore. Each time Chioma Visits Trisha she always spends half of the time talking about some New club or Restaurant she had just been to some of her other friends and is always telling Trisha just how Boring sitting at home is.
Well Trisha doesn’t see anything wrong with this as she is a homebody but doesn’t say anything . Visits and Calls to each other become less frequent and within a while they are no longer in contact with each other.
2) Communication: As we saw in the story above lack of communication contributed to the end of their friendship. If there isn’t any communication/Bad communication in any relationship where it be Friendship platonic or a Romantic relationship you can kiss that Relationship goodbye.
Feedback is “very important”. Let your friend know that you are and you are there for him or her. Always have a shoulder for your friend to cry or rely on.
Also be a very good listener. All some people want is someone to talk to. This is why in the States people pay a lot of people to talk to their psychologists who were complete strangers to them and open up about problems that they find difficult to share with their loved ones.
Never be Judgemental. Remember what Jesus said “whoever is without sin let him be the one to cast the first stone”. If your advice would hurt your friends, always start by assuring them that you on their side and that you love them unconditionally.
3) Distance : This could be as a result of Job change, Marriage, Relocation and Education. However in this area, I still feel it is a matter of choice . If you still choose to remain friends with a person if you want to. The problem of Distance has been taken care of with the advent of the cell phone and social Networking media e.g. Facebook, Twitter, Instant Messaging(e.g. Blackberry and Iphone Messengers)
4) Relationships: In some cases the problem is that you don’t get along with your friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend. This may not sound like a very serious issue, but this has lead to a lot of very long time friendships ending. A very good example is the relationship of Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag of “The Hills”. Lauren and Heidi had been friends since they were teenagers. They did almost everything together. Lauren and Heidi’s boyfriend Spencer, never got along and hated each other. Heidi was always in the middle of everything and eventually had to choose between her best-friend and her Boyfriend. She chose her Boyfriend who she is now married to and herself and Lauren are no longer friends.
If you are no longer friends with a particular person/person that you used to be close to and you grew apart for no reasonable
reason and you miss them. my advice to you is pick up your phone and make that phone call now!